The Runaways by Sonya Terjanian

Author:Sonya Terjanian
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Published: 2018-01-22T05:00:00+00:00

12

The 3:00 a.m. headache was distinctive. It was always accompanied by a dry mouth, a rumble of nausea, and wave after wave of self-castigation: This has to stop. You’re destroying your body. It’s not even fun anymore. You’re acting like an alcoholic.

Mary Ellen groaned and pulled a pillow into the crook of her body. The thoughts were coming faster now, pummeling her from the inside. You’re weak… You’re self-indulgent… You can’t have one glass of wine like a normal person. You really want to be more like Justine? Try a little self-control.

She tried to remember the details of her conversation with Rose, hoping she hadn’t said anything stupid. She remembered giving her a lot of advice about college. The girl probably didn’t have anyone to help her navigate that world; all the same, the information wasn’t much good if it came from someone slurring her words and reeking of gin.

Four counts in through the nose, four counts out through the mouth. Tomorrow she would make a fresh start. She needed to start taking pictures, any pictures. There was no point in pretending to be a serious artist if she wasn’t going to try producing some actual work. It was hard, yes, but she had to stop making excuses and just create something, anything. Tomorrow was a new day—a day when she would stop feeling sorry for herself and start acting like the person she wanted to be.

She could see a glow under the bedroom door; Rose had left the hall light on. Mary Ellen got up to turn it off, then noticed that the girl had left her bedroom door ajar. Was she scared of the dark? She acted tough, but Mary Ellen sensed a certain vulnerability under the surface. She peeked into the room, the way she’d always done when her girls were young, before they hung a DO NOT ENTER sign on their door. Rose turned her head sleepily toward the light and half opened her eyes.

“Sorry… I was going to turn off the light,” Mary Ellen whispered. “Unless you want me to leave it on?”

“Okay.”

Mary Ellen crept back into the hall, flicked off the light, and returned to her room. A few moments later, she heard Rose’s footsteps, and another click of the light switch. The glow of the hall light leaked, once again, under Mary Ellen’s door.

• • •

Mary Ellen began with a healthy breakfast, a couple of Numbitol, and lots of water. After eating, she lay down on one of the sofas for a while, letting the food settle, finishing one of Justine’s books on postmodernism. Then she unrolled her mat and ran through a few slow, easy yoga sequences, breathing deeply through her nose, trying to ease the pressure under her skull. The downward dog caused all of the blood to rush to her head, which was painful, so she moved quickly into the warrior pose, which always made her feel like a soldier on the side of a Greek vase. Arms as straight as spears, neck long, legs powerfully planted, she felt a surge of courageous resolve.

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